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A day in the mood swings of Val [entries|friends|calendar]

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home is where your heart is [11 May 2007|10:57am]
A funny feeling came upon me today. On my break from work i began imagining my countryside back home -- basking in the rejuvinating sun and air that only acres of green pasture and vast blue skies can bring. The funny thing is that I felt that this wish was so close.. like i could walk right outside and find the happiness that this image gave me.

I'm in Utah, and I guess...

That i'm home.
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[27 Feb 2007|11:56pm]
[ mood | tired but calm ]

Val: "I always feel so useless and lazy when the pressure of school is gone. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do at those times."

Brian: "Be happy."

Heavenly Father just wants us to be happy- His whole plan revolves around it; accept His gift.

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[10 Jun 2006|09:41pm]
[ mood | tired, but my mind is racing ]

I find it's much easier to deal with things when you're a nut. Ya know, let your inner dork come out. Dork? or the real you? Huh. We'll probably never know. Seriously, stress is more easily managed when you're a goof-ball- not so worried about what people think all the time. Yeah, you need to work through your problems, but there will also be some that just need to be ignored, placed in the back of your mind as often as possible, and avoided, because for those there is no working through. Like love, boys, things you can't change, and things or people you know you shouldn't mix with, even though you may want to. For stuff like that, just forget about life and be a nut.

On a side note, I have always heard and revered the expression "follow your heart and you'll never go wrong." I might disagree. Chemistry, and infatuation are often mistaken for matters of the heart. Chemistry is ABSOLUTELY UNEXPLAINABLE. I can just kick myself when i'm attracted to guys that I honestly don't want to be attracted to. I know they're wrong for me, they're immature in life-experience as well as spiritually, they bug the crap out of me all the time with stupid little things, etc. But in the end, I still seek desperately for their approval, although I would never let them know. So you see? As love is far too often mistaken for and sometimes cannot even be deciphered from chemistry or infatuation, one must trust the standards they have set for themselves, the rules of their God, and good old common sense. Alls I know is Heavenly Father's gonna have to hit me over the head with a brick before I'll be married to someone FOREVER... what if I don't even like them, and He tells me I need to? I think I might die. *Sigh* And that, my friend, is why I need chemistry. I just wish I could get a healthy dose of every good emotion, and be in head-over-heels, I love everything about him kind of love... I confuse even myself. It's gonna take some kind of man.

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[18 May 2006|12:20am]
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[28 Apr 2006|11:48pm]
[ mood | calm ]

boys are stinky little beasts. i'm thinking about dis-owning the whole lot of them completely. hehe. that sounds fun. i'm just really tired of them not being able to hang out with a girl unless they get something from them in the form of a)ego-feeding, or b)a sign that she likes them back. lame. i curse you all. and yet i'm grinning? geez, i love me when my life doesn't revolve around the mindless feinds. i'm SO excited to go home and be me. just val. riding horses, barefoot everywhere, swimming, softball, neices, nephews, brothers, sisters, FAMILY... rednecks, black people, mexicans (although there does exist a fair share in Utah...), humidty, gardening, dirt, 95 degree weather, dirt, rain, storms, hurricanes, fireflies, the milky way in my backyard... southern accents, HOME. I can smell that sweet southern air now.

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[08 Apr 2006|11:50pm]
It takes a minute to know someone, a day to love them, and a lifetime to forget them.

- Anonymous
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[23 Mar 2006|03:28pm]
I've had a depressing week.. depressing, and not sad, because I don't really know why i've been sad. I'm pretty sure it's a combination of lots of things. Anyhow, I need to look at the positive- so here goes:

1. I more than passed my Accounting test, with Heavenly Father guiding my pencil to give me a B! ...awesome
2. Meag's been really good to me, keeping me busy to keep my mind off of a certain boy
3. My yahoo account is in PINK
4. I'm at Brigham Young University, and the best one! What an astounding opportunity to be around so many
kids my age with the same standards
5. I have a package from my Mommy on the way
6. I'm growing my nails out, and they actually look half decent
7. My Beautiful TA SPOKE to me today :)
8. I only have two classes on TTH
9. Audge is probably cooking something spectacular for dinner este noche
10. I know i'm going to get an A in Spanish, at least i'll get an A in ONE thing this semester.. k, so
that was slightly negative..
11. I had a good day in classes because I participated- I need to do that more often
12. I'm having a good hair day
13. I love curly haired boysies
14. I'm in love with vegtables, and they love me too
15. I have people I can go to when i'm sad
16. Andrew and I are real friends now! It's so cool, I can go to him about ANYTHING
17. I'm really excited to live in Spanish housing next year
18. Josh and Michael love me

...Now i just need something to make this hectic time at school more bearable
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[19 Mar 2006|09:05pm]
Home is dream
With the desires of moving on
In the distance
I'm here
Everywhere I wanted to go
And i'm here
But home...
A childhood lush with fantasy's pleasures
Leaves me wanting to depart
To leave this world with it's heavy burdens
Brilliant Sunlight.
Pastures graced by lovely creatures
Rippling water
Sweet air.
Loved ones

A desire to prove myself
Passion for the world

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[15 Mar 2006|11:36am]
Whoever wants to join my study party starting tomorrow (Thurs) at 3pm in my lobby, give me holler. I seriously need some motivation, and maybe having people there will help :)

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[13 Mar 2006|09:14pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! he he. And I'M BACK.

5 comments|post comment

[05 Mar 2006|11:54pm]
boys are dangerous...
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randomness at its best [05 Mar 2006|01:00am]
[ mood | crazy ]

Not being able to sleep is a doozy
P.S. I've had a FANTASTIC week-
snowboarding and skipping and smiling, oh my
I love love love love love that thing called SALT. mmmm mmmm gooooood.
there's too much pasta in my... pasta. hehe
Meag's chowin' down over here, and her nose burns
don't worry, in a minute she'll be hacking her brains up
she keeps announcing her intimacy with the sinks in our apt. ew.
I like this whole not studying thing
I wonder how long Heavenly Father will support that habit before I start failing. LOL
that sounds fun
Meag says i'm satanic
but we're still enagaged, right? She concurs.
my eyes are blue, meag's are brown
OH! The best news, in like, my whole life-
Meag and I, last viernes, went ring shopping and to get bra-fitted
ring shopping- eh
Bra- 34 C!!!
I rock.
but Meag's bigger.
I told her.
do i have to?
she said yes... ugh....
umm. me gustan mucho los hombres altos. he he.
la dee da dee da
yogurt time

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*sigh*...*smile* [24 Feb 2006|01:49am]
[ mood | happy ]

It's 1:45am, and I crawl out of bed, on account of not being able to sleep, eat something, and watch some quality television. *smile* Life is good.

I only wish it rained here, or at least that my room had a fan. I need background noise.

Life is so darn interesting. And things ALWAYS happen when least expected. I think Heavenly Father likes to surprise us. At least in relation to pleasant, time-passing things.

I miss our weekly thunderstorms back home. They're so soothing, comforting. And good 'ol Norah. Wouldn't that be great? Taking a bath by candle light (b/c the power's out from the thunderstorm) and listening to Norah? Bliss in a sentence if you ask me.

So how is everyone?

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[19 Dec 2005|09:58pm]
[ mood | content ]

Hey silly-boy, I (heart) you... Hope that your Christmas is fan-freakin'-tastic, and i miss you tons. I think i'm going through with-drawls. :p

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[16 Oct 2005|10:02am]
I did it! And whew, whew..my hair looks good. if i do say so myself
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[10 Oct 2005|12:37pm]
[ mood | H-yappy mood ]

HaPpy fReAkIn' BiRtHdaY, AdRiEnNe!!

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[09 Oct 2005|07:23pm]
And as the second day closes, I wonder: will this really do either of us any good, or are we just torturing ourselves for nothing?
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[03 Oct 2005|09:27pm]
[ mood | Better ]

Confusion. What an interesting state of mind. Why do people reside in it so long when it gives them such misery? I believe it's because we don't want to do what it takes or put forth the effort to look inside ourselves and resolve the problem. Our problem, the one we don't want to see, but are impatiently waiting and longing for some unknown hero to mend. Is the greatest emotion of all time, love, coupled with this state of mind? Or should the two be enemies, where one cannot exsist while the other is present. I hope that I am right in hoping that the two be opposites. Love, I sincerely wish, will be a blissful state in which doubt cannot penetrate. I wish to know, that I am in love, and to let myself love, not holding back... Just having wished this, however, I realize that it can't be so. Life was not meant to be black and white, and love was not meant to be sure, at least not in the beginning. We must let ourselves trust, or learn to trust again if indeed our trust was misplaced before, stamped on and abused. I was always a critical thinker, but now I trust so few people. It's not fun at all. I create loneliness, and in it a hell of my own. Yet I sit here, content to think that someone will put together the scattered pieces that once upon a time, formed Valorie. Am I willing to do what it takes to piece myslef back together? Is it possible, or will I always be calculative and over-analyzing. Forever a pessimist. Yikes, I cannot imagine living like that forever, and yet i've done it for 19 years. I suppose I should start by doing everything that's not in my personality. That sounds about right. I need to socialize just to socialize, trust guys again and don't automatically thing of them as a shallow and meaningless species, go with my roommates whenever they go out with friends, sit through an entire movie without getting antsy, spend a whole day not studying, focus more on the gospel..CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, for in the end, that's the most I can do.

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[16 Sep 2005|09:58pm]
[ mood | sucky ]

So here’s the deal. I’m ticked off. Why? Me, Meagan, Jason, Shawn, Andrew, school, no social life, bad hair day, lack of bubbliness, lack of flirtation skills, my messy room, etc. I suppose if I really wanted to know I could dig deep enough and find out. But I’m tired of being selfish. I know it’s going to be some lame, jealous, needy reason and I don’t want to deal with that right now. What’s sad about this? It’s Friday night and I’m at home, eating Top Ramen, holing up in my room while my roommates and a friend watch Tommy Boy. Why aren’t I watching Tommy Boy with them? Because it didn’t look like there was enough room for all of us. Did I ask if someone could scoot over? No. I didn’t want to. The reason I’m not completely miserable right now is because I made two A’s on two different test today. So that’s one good thing about my life. You know me- when I’m doing well in school I’m on top of the world. It looks like I have my priorities screwed up just a tad, don’t you think?

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[15 Sep 2005|05:07pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

HOW am I supposed to concentrate on school when the guy I adore just brought me flowers and a great card... :) Thank you Andrew, that made my weekend.

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