Confusion. What an interesting state of mind. Why do people reside in it so long when it gives them such misery? I believe it's because we don't want to do what it takes or put forth the effort to look inside ourselves and resolve the problem. Our problem, the one we don't want to see, but are impatiently waiting and longing for some unknown hero to mend. Is the greatest emotion of all time, love, coupled with this state of mind? Or should the two be enemies, where one cannot exsist while the other is present. I hope that I am right in hoping that the two be opposites. Love, I sincerely wish, will be a blissful state in which doubt cannot penetrate. I wish to know, that I am in love, and to let myself love, not holding back... Just having wished this, however, I realize that it can't be so. Life was not meant to be black and white, and love was not meant to be sure, at least not in the beginning. We must let ourselves trust, or learn to trust again if indeed our trust was misplaced before, stamped on and abused. I was always a critical thinker, but now I trust so few people. It's not fun at all. I create loneliness, and in it a hell of my own. Yet I sit here, content to think that someone will put together the scattered pieces that once upon a time, formed Valorie. Am I willing to do what it takes to piece myslef back together? Is it possible, or will I always be calculative and over-analyzing. Forever a pessimist. Yikes, I cannot imagine living like that forever, and yet i've done it for 19 years. I suppose I should start by doing everything that's not in my personality. That sounds about right. I need to socialize just to socialize, trust guys again and don't automatically thing of them as a shallow and meaningless species, go with my roommates whenever they go out with friends, sit through an entire movie without getting antsy, spend a whole day not studying, focus more on the gospel..CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, for in the end, that's the most I can do.